worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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