Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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