I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
