that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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