That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
