hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
