It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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