Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
