you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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