things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
