I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
