Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
