the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
