don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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