I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
