You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
