"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
