I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I believe in your delicious
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
