this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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