the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
