we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
