i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
