i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
