I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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