well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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