Someone shit on the floor
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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