do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
