my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
