I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
