The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
