so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
