wakey wakey hands off snakey
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
