you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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