oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
