Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
