Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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