I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
