There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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