i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
