It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
