i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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