Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
