No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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