I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
