Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
