At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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