3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
