i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
