Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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