I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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