you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
