So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
