? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
